From K. May 2019

People say that you don’t know how much you will miss something until you lose it.  The same can be said about finding things. I didn’t know how much I needed Jesus until I found him.  My ‘official’ journey towards finding faith started just over 2 years ago but in reality I’ve been on this journey my whole life as God’s plan was obviously for me to take a more scenic route to find him.   So back to the ‘official’ journey story…  Two years ago I was pregnant with my son Reuben, at that point I wasn’t looking for Jesus, I was just looking for answers.  My husband and his family are all Christians and at the time I was nervous about the expectations that they might place on my son and while I was always accepting of their religion, I didn’t really understand it and I have always been a knowledge is power type of person.  I found Alpha first time round really helped put my mind at ease and I now know that the prayers and support I received are probably the reason why I have one of the best birth stories I have ever heard. Unfortunately giving birth half way through the course meant that I missed a few sessions so I was really excited when Becky invited me to do the course again at hers and Andy’s home.

Second time around I really feel like I’ve understood and engaged a lot more with the material although some concepts were and still are a bit of a challenge.  One of the reasons why I think I found it easier was my ability to understand the concept of unconditional love something I never truly understood until I had Reu.  The other reason is the fact that Becky and Andy are now people I consider to be friends and friends who I know would never judge me meant that I could ask as many questions as I liked without feeling like an utter plank. That being said try as hard as I could I still couldn’t step off the ledge and take that final leap of faith.  On the Alpha day when Becky offered to pray for me, I felt like I had nothing to lose and everything to gain and I leapt.  Instead of falling off a cliff edge, God raised me up and floated me high over a mountain (the literal feeling I had in my stomach was like going over a speed bump but not coming back down).  The mountain I crossed was one that had built up within me for the last 32 years, it was filled full of self-doubt, fear and anger.  Afterwards I felt lighter, my spirit was lifted and I felt free.  When I became a Christian the truth is nothing changed but everything did.  I am still me, I still enjoy doing the same things, I am just a better version of myself, a more complete version with a renewed sense of purpose that is excited to see what will come next and what God has in store for me as I live my life serving him.

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